Fed up.

I left my two jobs to go to one in Sept. I took it thinking it would be like my other jobs. But I was wrong. I can't take the kids anywhere. We are bored all day! The dad won't let me take them anywhere!! They will be five next week. They need to get out of the house! He doesn't take them anywhere! I'm so tired of it. He is lucky I hold my tongue. I would much rather go back to the job that I really didn't like and be able to take the kids out. I need to hurry and fine a phlebotomist job, where I will be with people and I can do things. Not sit at home and play the samething over and over, and have the kids say they are bored. We can hardly go outside because of the weather. We don't watch much tv. But you can only color for so long, and you can only play games for so long. He doesn't even let his mom take them out!! Be a dad and take your kids out and you will realize they do listen to you! He thinks I won't be able to handle them out. HELLO!! I took two kids out all the time!!! I nannied for both famlies that had two kids! One boy was even autisic! I know what I'm doing! I have been doing this longer then they have been parents! I was in tears today. I can't work for someone that doesn't trust me. But I can't leave the job yet because I don't have another one yet. I am stuck. If I could leave tomorrow I would! Ugh! Okay enough complaining. Untill Tomorrow. Hopefully it will be a better post.

Happy and sad all in one

Hmm should I do happy first or sad? I think I will do sad first, because when you are done reading the happy you should be happy? Right?
  Okay so driving home from getting the kids from school. We go the "long way." Everytime we go the long way we pass my Uncle house. This wouldn't be a big deal. Except, my Unle Puppy, is no longer with us. He passed in Sept. Labor Day weekend. It just now today hit me that he is gone. Some of you know the story, but I will retell it for those that don't. My Uncle Puppy was a great guy had his own painting business. He was funny and a smart ass. He missed my wedding I was mad. I hadnt seen him in a while, even tho I lived 5 mins from him. Lets bring you up to speed. I get a call from my dad while I was at work, which was odd my dad usually calls me when he gets home. So it was like I don't know 3 or so. I'm trying to remember if it was June or July. Had to be June, cause I was still getting the boy off the bus. (This was my old job) So my dad goes "I have something to tell you. Uncle Puppy has cancer. He has had it for awhile, but he didn't want me to tell anyone." I say "no wonder he didn't make the wedding." I know prolly not the smartest thing to say, but it started to make sense. After talking to my dad for a few mins, he told me the cancer was in his:
Bones
Prostate
Panceris (sp)
Lungs
One other spot, I can't remember right now.
So a few days later I went to visit him, showing him my wedding pictures. He enjoyed them, but he didn't last very long. He was in and out of it from the meds he was on. So I left. Fast foward till about August. I get a call saying Uncle Puppy is in the hopsital, he fell out of bed. He had a nice cut about his eye brow. But this point he was whacky. Talking in things that don't make sense. Found out that he had a urinary tract infection too. Made him a bit whacky! I went and saw him. He was sleeping and I didn't want to wake him, or wait for him to wake up. I left. I never went back to see him. I had so much in my life going on at the time. I was going to court for my brother, I was trying to take care of my brother. My life got in the way of going to see him. Plus I don't think a part of me wanted to believe he was dying.
Fast forward to Labor Day weekend. I go to the State Fair to see Rascal Flatts with some friends and stay out in Cuse! We make a rest stop. I get on facebook via my phone, just to check it. I see a post from my Aunt (not Uncle Puppy's wife) saying something of the lines of "Our brother Bob went home today. He is no longer here." Those weren't the words, but you get the idea. I go to my friend Michele "Does this sound like my Uncle died?" She goes "yes it does." I quick call my dad, I ask if everything is alright. He tells me no, Uncle Puppy passed away. He asks me how did I find out. I told him Aunt Jan posted on facebook. OMG he was pissed! He wanted to tell us first before anything was posted. I texted all my friends and told them. They were all there for me.
I cried the whole way home. About an hour. It was the longest ride ever! I get home, Ryan is there waiting for me. I take a quick nap I was tired from all the fun and all the crying over the past 2 days. We leave for my dads, and it was just a great time. Family was there, we were talking about Uncle Puppy, and my grandparents and all the funny stories. I layed in to my aunt tho. She said she was sorry, she goes I just wanted people in FL to know. I'm still very upset at her for doing that. She could of waited till all of us knew. On wards. My Uncle made it very clear that he didn't want calling hours or a funeral. So that means I didn't get to say good bye. I missed it by an hour!!
I was nervous to go away at all, I had a feeling something was going to happen. But I didn't want to miss the concert. I needed a girls night. I was starting a new job after that, and school too. I wanted to go out and have fun. Do I blame myself for not being there. No, I know that thats what my Uncle would of wanted me to do. Do I hurt that I wasn't there yes! Like I said this all hit me today that he wasn't here anymore. I cried all the way home today. Good thing the kids didn't notice it. I miss my Uncle like crazy. I always will. I'm sad I didn't get my final good bye, I have no closure. It's something I will have to work on, on my own. I hope today after it finally hit me, I will be able to find it.

Now on the happy part of my lovely blog. I hope you guys made it this far with out needing a tissue!!

PACKERS WON!!! It was such a great game! Some lame calls, but all in all a good game!! I had so much fun last night. My taco dip didn't go as fast as it usually does lol. So I'm eating some now. I love it. I can't wait for Sept, for football season all over again. Hopefully the Titans will make it to the superbowl! You know would be awesome if the Bills did!! Hahah wishful thinking right there!!

Thank you for reading. I only have like 2 more sad blog posts that I know of. I will try to make the rest happy and goofy for you.
Staci

SuperBowl!

Writing in green for the Packers!! Wooot! I'm not a fan, but I want them to win! Steelers can lose! So far today I have been baby sitting, doing laundry, and making cookies, well baking them. Ryan made them! I have to make my famous taco dip for tonight. Everyone in ryan's family loves it. I really want pickles in a cloud. Now those are good. They are a dill pickle, wrapped in cream cheese and white bread. Delish!
I won't trash talk the Steelers, I don't want to eat my words. I just want a fair game. But I know the refs will favor the Steelers, they always do!
Whatever you guys do tonight please be safe, don't drink and drive. Most of all have fun tonight!

A quickie

So a quick one cause I don't have much time! Date night with the Hubs!! WOOT WOOT! We are off to Dino BBQ! Then the Harlem Globetrotters. Will be a fun night. Would be even better if it wasn't so cold out! Gah where is Spring? Better yet Summer? I need to be laying out in sun, not bundled up so tight. Tomorrow we are doing nothing! So I don't know if I will post or not. Sunday I have to baby sit in the morning, then getting ready for the Superbowl, yet again don't know if I will post. I will have to see whats going on. I think you guys can mange with out reading my boringness for two days? I think you will live lol!!
Enjoy your weekend! I know I will.
Ohh I told my kids (ones I nanny) GO PACKERS!! Woot!!
Have a great one!

Missing Matty

I met this amazing kid ohhh about 8-9 years ago. Though a AOL chat room. His name was Matt. He was way younger than me. Well about 4-5 years younger. He was cute and funny, and fun to be around. We hit it off, and became great friends. As time went on we grew apart, he was dating a girl that was insane, no lie. I was dating a couple guys (not at the sametime!). Our lives just got crazy and we didn't see each other all the time like we used too, but we did chat every day. Fast forward a few yrs. I got a job at a call center and remembering he worked there too! We meet up after my training, and hung out at work. He took me out in his new car, he was proud of it. So we saw each other all the time again. We had all the same friends. I went to a party he was there. I was a bit drunk. Shocker I know. Well I told him that I had a crush on him and blah blah. He was like yea whatever and took another girl home with him. I was pissed. He texted e the next morning saying nothing happened, and tried to talk to me at work, I was just like whatever. Few months went by, I started talking to him again. I missed him. Feb. 3 comes along. It was a Sunday, SuperBowl Sunday, I remember that because I was at work and I was pissed I had to work on a Superbowl day! I get a call from my used to be bestfriend/ roomate. She goes something has happened to Matt, he is dead. I lose it at my desk, I do to my super, I go Matt C. just died. She lets me go. Remember we worked at the sameplace, so just about everyone knew him. I call Ryan, I come home. I'm in tears, upset and angry at him. We find out a few days later he OD on ohh I can't remember now. He went out the night before and just got messed up. Oh I should say to, that he found out not to long before this he had a son. So he isn't leaving me, his friends behind, but his son that will never know him now.
This was 3 yrs ago. Not a day goes by that I don't think of him. Miss him. I want to tell hi everything that is going on in my life, he was my go to guy! I know he is watching down over me, but its not the same. I miss him so much. He was taken far to soon. I think of him more on this day and on his birthday 9/11!
I remember going to his funeral and thinking it was all a joke, that he was playing a joke on us. I was like ok Matt you can come out of hiding now. Anytime. I'm waiting for you. But he didn't. It was weeks before I final realized he was gone, forever. I still can't believe it to this day. He was a great friend, one I truely miss! I love you Matty!!
If you know anyone addicted to anything or if you are, please get the help you need. I don't want you to lose a great friend or family member, or ever yourself, like I have. Its not fun.

Short one.

Well.... Phil didn't see his shadow. Shocker I know! It is also my cousins birthday too! He is old!! I got nothing going on today. Got a snow day. Just waiting on UPS so I can run to Sally Beauty Supply to get some hair color. I'm tired of looking at my grays. Maybe it will make me not so blah. We will have to see on that one! Nothing to really write about today. I know tomorrow will be a sad one.
     A few friends told me the other day and they are right. I have more sad days in my life then happy ones. I guess thats what happens when you walk in the shoes I have worn. Loss of great friends, either be OD's, murder, accidents, fires. Family members, cancer, heart issues, murder, fire. Hmm I'm starting to sense a pattern here. I guess I can't be near fires, those are no good, I don't want to be shot, or ran over, that wouldn't be good either. Cancer can be cureable if you catch it in time. But I don't think I want that either. I do have heart issues, but thankfully they are nothing to serious. I have to take a pill once a day, if I remember. Which I never do! Yea, yea I know, put it in the bathroom next to your tooth brush, did that and forgot, put it on the counter, did that and forgot. I remember when I can't breathe and walk so well lol. I guess thats how I remember. But like I said, I don't think I will die from it.
    So yea, I guess that will conclude todays post. A bit of a rant, with a bit of nothing mixed in lol! 
Be ready for tomorrow's sad post. I will try not to make it to sad. 

Until tomorrow my readers.
Staci
   

First of the month

I'm writing in red today because I'm pissed!!!!
I go to my local grocier for some stuff I need for the house. Milk, eggs, bread, mayo, yogurt, and a few things I noticed on sale.
I get there, and was like who its packed in here, seeing it was a bit after 5 it usually is. So I walk the isles, I see, ghettoness, white trash, and so on. I'm like crap its the first of the month. So I fight my way thru the ghettoness, white trash and so on. I go down the oatmeal isle, and low and behold, there is no oatmeal. Fine whatever, I have enough to last me. Just not the point!
If you can have a nice car, you don't need food stamps!
I was finding a check out, and there was a cart over flowing with food, and on the bottom was a basket full of frozen juice. I mean really?
I work hard for the food I eat, I feel everyone else should too! Never again will I forget its the first of any month!
The End of rant lol.