Just a day

Not sure what to say today. Nothing has been going on. Its yucky and rainy today, so can't do much outside. I want summer to get here so bad. But living in NY it seems so far away! I can't wait for May, we are going to Cape Cod!! I love it there!! If it wasn't on the water, and more up north, I would love to live there lol! I can't stand the cold.
I guess I better kick start my diet too! So I can look somewhat cute in shorts and stuff lol!! So if you have tips, and pointers, I am all ears! I will have to start my Zumba and Wii Active again. I know eating right, but other tips would be great, I cant do "diet" pills cause of my heart.
Well thats all I got for now!
Later.
Staci

Grandma

Today is one of many sad days in my life.
This date 4 years ago I lost someone so close to me, my Grandmother. She was the rock in my family. Once she left us, my family hasn't been the same. We don't see each other as much, we just went on with our lives.
A bit about my grandma. She should of died in Oct of 06. I came home from work past midnight, since I worked till midnight at the time. She was on the couch and could barely breath, I called 911, EMT comes, and load her in the bus. One of the EMT's comes back in and said, they are taking her to Strong Hospital for better care. At that time, I didn't know she went into a whirl in of bad events. I get to the hospital before she did, go figure right. I am waiting in the waiting room, I finaly get to go back, and I see her with tubes in her nose and mouth. She was tied down to the bed. At that moment I called my dad, he comes rushing to the hospital. I need to back track, she was an DRN, since the EMT's didn't know they tubed her. I couldn't look at her, it hurt to much. I finally went home and got some rest. Called off of work for a few days. That night the Dr said if she were to of pulled out the tube, she would of died. I couldn't make that decion, since I wasn't her power of attn. I did go to the hopsital, everyday, she was transfered to ICU for a few days, I couldn't go in and see her. Seeing her in the ER was bad enough. I finally saw her the day before she came home. I was in tears, she told me to stop it so I did.
Moving on to the next part of the story.
She decided to move in with my Uncle after all this happened. Well I moved out, since she was going to be moving. I moved out in Dec. The last time I saw her was in Feb for my birthday! Which I think I went to my dads like the 25th or so. She couldn't make it, so I went to her. She wasn't looking good, but I just didn't say anything. Fast foward to the 3 of March. My sister and her Husband were over for dinner. Joelle's phone rings, she starts crying, saying "I knew I should of seen her, and gone over there." She gets off the phone and said Grandma had died. I fall to the floor I'm crying so hard, I can't breathe. We rush to her house, she hadn't moved yet. The cops are there, my dad, my cousin, family out of town are there as well. I go running inside, I had to see it to believe it!! It was true, she was on the floor, in the living room, she looked like she was sleeping. She had been gone for atleast 24 hours. My cousin found her. She had a dog at the time, my heart broke for her too. Luckily the girl next door said she would love to take Abby. So she went to a good home.
I haven't fully come to terms of not living with her at the time she died. I moved out so quick, when I knew I should of stayed. I thought my family blamed her dying alone on me, since I wasn't there anymore. I blamed myself for not being there when she died. She was all alone. I don't know how she could of felt. Knowing her, she would of said "Oh shit" as she went down. They ruled it as a heart attack. So I prolly couldn't of done anything, I will never know. Still doesn't take away the pain I feel everyday.

Now on the lady I remember and will cherish.
She was fiesty, a bitch, a great friend, and mother, grandmother, great grandmother, aunt, sister, wife. She was also very set in her ways. She was stubborn, caring, loving. She loved everyone. Well one person she didn't. Thats another blog post when the time is right. She welcomed everyone into her home. She hardly got angry. I know she was lonely when my gramps passed away. They were married for over 50 yrs. Kinda strange, my gramps passed 3/13/97, my gram passed 3/3/07. I feel it was planned that way. No matter what I do in my life, my gram is never far from my thoughts. I had red carnations in my bouques at my wedding, a red bead on my necklace, in honor of my grandmother.

She was my world, she will continue to be till the day I die.
Parts of me, are her. I am a bitch, I am stubborn, fiesty, I try to love everyone. I have learned so much from her, with her love, her actions. She is who I want to be, in a person.

Bernice D. George you are my hero, you are my everything. I love you and miss you till the day I die!!

Sorry if this made you cry, but this is what I feel on this day every year, I know it will get easier, but right now, I don't know when.

Dang 3 days?

I can't believe I haven't been here in over 3 days! Sorry peeps!! I wish I could say I was busy, but I wasn't lol!! I guess I just forgot!
Nothing has been going on anyways. Just been working. I can't wait 2 more work days then I am off for a week! Nothing going on then either lol.
Well I won't bore you anymore. I hope to post something fun soon!
Oh you al have to see Just Go With It! So cute!

Bye for now
Staci

Valentines Day! (and what I did yesterday lol)

Happy Valentines Day everyone! I can't wait for tonight. Beef roast, acorn squash, and baby red taters. Three different cheese cakes for dessert. They are mini ones lol! Maybe some romantic hot tubbing tonight too! I hope everyone has a good one.

Yesterday was a great and fun day! Went to the Winter Fest! Went to the chili cook off! Some were really good, some sucked! I was so full! There was about 9 to taste! And they were good servings too! Missed the Polar Plunge. We always forget about it lol. After we did that, I went and got my hair cut. Its a bit shorter then I wanted, but I hope now it will grow super fast! Then I went shopping. I went to Ulta, got a few things I needed. Then it was off to my favorite store, Target!!! I got 3 birthday presents. For the kids I watch, tomorrow they will be 5! One of my bestfriends Michele, she turned 31. Shhh don't tell anyone. Also got Ryan his Vday gift. Came home and had dinner, watched Greys, then hot tubbed it up lol. Watched the Grammy's. Then it was off to bed.

Well thats my blog for today! Tomorrows shall be boring since I have nothing goin on. No work, not nothing.

Until tomorrow...
Staci

Outraged!

Again red cause I am outraged by what I found out yesterday! A kid I went to school with was charge with kiddy porn! He had been doing it for 7 yrs. All online. When I say I went to school with him, we were in the same class. Not like he was in a different class. We had classes together. He was a EMT worked on Mercy Flight. How can someone you know be that "type" of person? I'm confused and sickened. Grnated I haven't talked to him in years. But he still lives in my home town, never left. I would run into him every now and then when I would visit other friends there. I hope he gets everthing thrown at him. 20 yrs in prison, 250 grand fine, or both! I don't think that is enough! Some of the kids were young as 8! I feel he needs to be there for life! Cut off his man hood! I don't care if  I know him or not. He is distusting!! My aunt's husband is in jail for being a child preditor, and in my opinin he isn't serving enough time! All these so called men, should be there for life and have thier man hood cut off! Or given a pill to make their man hood limp forever!! If my baby (when I have one) is ever molested, or viewed for sexual proposes, you best believe I will do damage control on the guy! I don't care, they are babies and they are no longer after what has been done to them.
I can go on and on about this. But I will leave it at this. I'm so pissed.
Here is the link
http://www.whec.com/news/stories/S1969757.shtml?cat=565

Untill tomorrow.
Staci

UGH

Okay so I had this funny had to be there post. But somethings came to my attention today. I'm uber tired to I will address them all tomorrow. Most of you know all of it. Most don't. So untill tomorrow my dear followers.
Staci

Penis Tree's?!?!?

So today is a better than yesterday! Thank goodness! I got to leave work 2 hours early. I came home and did nothing lol. I will do everything over the weekend. I have to baby sit Saturday night, then might go out for my girlfriends bday. All depends when I get done baby sitting.
So penis tree's I say? I was giving the kids thier lunch and the boy goes, "I want to plant a penis tree that doesn't pee." They were eating peas with lunch, but I'm not sure how he thought of penis tree's. I dont know where he comes with anything he says honestly. I get them from school the first words out of his mouth were "Did you know an elephant is scared of a little mouse?" I say "yes." He goes "how can something so big be scared of something so small?" I say "that's just the way it is sometimes." They will be 5 next week. I don't think well I know they don't fully grasp things yet. I just laugh at the all the funny things they say.
I'm trying to stay positive on finding a job. I feel like I'm in a rut. I think it's because I want out of my other job so bad. It wouldn't be so bad if the dad wasn't the way he is. But he is who he is. Ehh I only have to put up with for a bit longer, then he can go back to being the guy across the street.
So thats my post for right now! Kinda boring. Those moments you took reading this, you won't ever get back! Muahahahah!
Staci

Douche bag of the year goes to....

So the dad pissed me off again today. His son got a bonk on the head at school. Has a litte bruise. Nothing major. He is a kid and it happens. I texted the mom telling her what happened. She called and asked if he was okay and if he was upset. I said he is fine. She was like well wont be the first nor the last time it will happen. Enter the dad! What!? Said Boy let me check it. There is a bump there, you need to watch where you are going. You could have brain damage and go to the hospital and have a needle in your head. I go its a bump he is fine. He comes up the stairs a bit later. Asks him a question. Boy goes on a rant, dad goes. You must have brain damage. Ugh took me everything I had in my being not to blow up at him. Only because he was talking about something else, before the dad asked a question. I need to hurry and find a job!
Second douche bag goes to Evan! I'm so sick of him already! Calls my dog a douche, because she is still nervous around people. He gave a her a treat and she runs off, so that makes her a douche! I swear he says one more thing about my dog, he won't like me after it.
I'm so tired of biting my tongue everyday! It's starting to hurt! I need to get out my job and I am trying like hell. One place did get my resume, just waiting to hear on an opening, I have to call the Red Cross next.
I swear the next people that rubs me the wrong way next will get it. I'm sick of peoples shit! I really am. If Evan doesn't like Jasmine then he shouldn't come around. If the dad doesn't trust me, he shouldn't of hired me. This is all bull shit. I can't wait to have my week off and just relax and get my face out in the world of phlebotomy!

So much for a happy post today! Effing effers need to back the eff up before they get it. I swear!

Fed up.

I left my two jobs to go to one in Sept. I took it thinking it would be like my other jobs. But I was wrong. I can't take the kids anywhere. We are bored all day! The dad won't let me take them anywhere!! They will be five next week. They need to get out of the house! He doesn't take them anywhere! I'm so tired of it. He is lucky I hold my tongue. I would much rather go back to the job that I really didn't like and be able to take the kids out. I need to hurry and fine a phlebotomist job, where I will be with people and I can do things. Not sit at home and play the samething over and over, and have the kids say they are bored. We can hardly go outside because of the weather. We don't watch much tv. But you can only color for so long, and you can only play games for so long. He doesn't even let his mom take them out!! Be a dad and take your kids out and you will realize they do listen to you! He thinks I won't be able to handle them out. HELLO!! I took two kids out all the time!!! I nannied for both famlies that had two kids! One boy was even autisic! I know what I'm doing! I have been doing this longer then they have been parents! I was in tears today. I can't work for someone that doesn't trust me. But I can't leave the job yet because I don't have another one yet. I am stuck. If I could leave tomorrow I would! Ugh! Okay enough complaining. Untill Tomorrow. Hopefully it will be a better post.

Happy and sad all in one

Hmm should I do happy first or sad? I think I will do sad first, because when you are done reading the happy you should be happy? Right?
  Okay so driving home from getting the kids from school. We go the "long way." Everytime we go the long way we pass my Uncle house. This wouldn't be a big deal. Except, my Unle Puppy, is no longer with us. He passed in Sept. Labor Day weekend. It just now today hit me that he is gone. Some of you know the story, but I will retell it for those that don't. My Uncle Puppy was a great guy had his own painting business. He was funny and a smart ass. He missed my wedding I was mad. I hadnt seen him in a while, even tho I lived 5 mins from him. Lets bring you up to speed. I get a call from my dad while I was at work, which was odd my dad usually calls me when he gets home. So it was like I don't know 3 or so. I'm trying to remember if it was June or July. Had to be June, cause I was still getting the boy off the bus. (This was my old job) So my dad goes "I have something to tell you. Uncle Puppy has cancer. He has had it for awhile, but he didn't want me to tell anyone." I say "no wonder he didn't make the wedding." I know prolly not the smartest thing to say, but it started to make sense. After talking to my dad for a few mins, he told me the cancer was in his:
Bones
Prostate
Panceris (sp)
Lungs
One other spot, I can't remember right now.
So a few days later I went to visit him, showing him my wedding pictures. He enjoyed them, but he didn't last very long. He was in and out of it from the meds he was on. So I left. Fast foward till about August. I get a call saying Uncle Puppy is in the hopsital, he fell out of bed. He had a nice cut about his eye brow. But this point he was whacky. Talking in things that don't make sense. Found out that he had a urinary tract infection too. Made him a bit whacky! I went and saw him. He was sleeping and I didn't want to wake him, or wait for him to wake up. I left. I never went back to see him. I had so much in my life going on at the time. I was going to court for my brother, I was trying to take care of my brother. My life got in the way of going to see him. Plus I don't think a part of me wanted to believe he was dying.
Fast forward to Labor Day weekend. I go to the State Fair to see Rascal Flatts with some friends and stay out in Cuse! We make a rest stop. I get on facebook via my phone, just to check it. I see a post from my Aunt (not Uncle Puppy's wife) saying something of the lines of "Our brother Bob went home today. He is no longer here." Those weren't the words, but you get the idea. I go to my friend Michele "Does this sound like my Uncle died?" She goes "yes it does." I quick call my dad, I ask if everything is alright. He tells me no, Uncle Puppy passed away. He asks me how did I find out. I told him Aunt Jan posted on facebook. OMG he was pissed! He wanted to tell us first before anything was posted. I texted all my friends and told them. They were all there for me.
I cried the whole way home. About an hour. It was the longest ride ever! I get home, Ryan is there waiting for me. I take a quick nap I was tired from all the fun and all the crying over the past 2 days. We leave for my dads, and it was just a great time. Family was there, we were talking about Uncle Puppy, and my grandparents and all the funny stories. I layed in to my aunt tho. She said she was sorry, she goes I just wanted people in FL to know. I'm still very upset at her for doing that. She could of waited till all of us knew. On wards. My Uncle made it very clear that he didn't want calling hours or a funeral. So that means I didn't get to say good bye. I missed it by an hour!!
I was nervous to go away at all, I had a feeling something was going to happen. But I didn't want to miss the concert. I needed a girls night. I was starting a new job after that, and school too. I wanted to go out and have fun. Do I blame myself for not being there. No, I know that thats what my Uncle would of wanted me to do. Do I hurt that I wasn't there yes! Like I said this all hit me today that he wasn't here anymore. I cried all the way home today. Good thing the kids didn't notice it. I miss my Uncle like crazy. I always will. I'm sad I didn't get my final good bye, I have no closure. It's something I will have to work on, on my own. I hope today after it finally hit me, I will be able to find it.

Now on the happy part of my lovely blog. I hope you guys made it this far with out needing a tissue!!

PACKERS WON!!! It was such a great game! Some lame calls, but all in all a good game!! I had so much fun last night. My taco dip didn't go as fast as it usually does lol. So I'm eating some now. I love it. I can't wait for Sept, for football season all over again. Hopefully the Titans will make it to the superbowl! You know would be awesome if the Bills did!! Hahah wishful thinking right there!!

Thank you for reading. I only have like 2 more sad blog posts that I know of. I will try to make the rest happy and goofy for you.
Staci

SuperBowl!

Writing in green for the Packers!! Wooot! I'm not a fan, but I want them to win! Steelers can lose! So far today I have been baby sitting, doing laundry, and making cookies, well baking them. Ryan made them! I have to make my famous taco dip for tonight. Everyone in ryan's family loves it. I really want pickles in a cloud. Now those are good. They are a dill pickle, wrapped in cream cheese and white bread. Delish!
I won't trash talk the Steelers, I don't want to eat my words. I just want a fair game. But I know the refs will favor the Steelers, they always do!
Whatever you guys do tonight please be safe, don't drink and drive. Most of all have fun tonight!

A quickie

So a quick one cause I don't have much time! Date night with the Hubs!! WOOT WOOT! We are off to Dino BBQ! Then the Harlem Globetrotters. Will be a fun night. Would be even better if it wasn't so cold out! Gah where is Spring? Better yet Summer? I need to be laying out in sun, not bundled up so tight. Tomorrow we are doing nothing! So I don't know if I will post or not. Sunday I have to baby sit in the morning, then getting ready for the Superbowl, yet again don't know if I will post. I will have to see whats going on. I think you guys can mange with out reading my boringness for two days? I think you will live lol!!
Enjoy your weekend! I know I will.
Ohh I told my kids (ones I nanny) GO PACKERS!! Woot!!
Have a great one!

Missing Matty

I met this amazing kid ohhh about 8-9 years ago. Though a AOL chat room. His name was Matt. He was way younger than me. Well about 4-5 years younger. He was cute and funny, and fun to be around. We hit it off, and became great friends. As time went on we grew apart, he was dating a girl that was insane, no lie. I was dating a couple guys (not at the sametime!). Our lives just got crazy and we didn't see each other all the time like we used too, but we did chat every day. Fast forward a few yrs. I got a job at a call center and remembering he worked there too! We meet up after my training, and hung out at work. He took me out in his new car, he was proud of it. So we saw each other all the time again. We had all the same friends. I went to a party he was there. I was a bit drunk. Shocker I know. Well I told him that I had a crush on him and blah blah. He was like yea whatever and took another girl home with him. I was pissed. He texted e the next morning saying nothing happened, and tried to talk to me at work, I was just like whatever. Few months went by, I started talking to him again. I missed him. Feb. 3 comes along. It was a Sunday, SuperBowl Sunday, I remember that because I was at work and I was pissed I had to work on a Superbowl day! I get a call from my used to be bestfriend/ roomate. She goes something has happened to Matt, he is dead. I lose it at my desk, I do to my super, I go Matt C. just died. She lets me go. Remember we worked at the sameplace, so just about everyone knew him. I call Ryan, I come home. I'm in tears, upset and angry at him. We find out a few days later he OD on ohh I can't remember now. He went out the night before and just got messed up. Oh I should say to, that he found out not to long before this he had a son. So he isn't leaving me, his friends behind, but his son that will never know him now.
This was 3 yrs ago. Not a day goes by that I don't think of him. Miss him. I want to tell hi everything that is going on in my life, he was my go to guy! I know he is watching down over me, but its not the same. I miss him so much. He was taken far to soon. I think of him more on this day and on his birthday 9/11!
I remember going to his funeral and thinking it was all a joke, that he was playing a joke on us. I was like ok Matt you can come out of hiding now. Anytime. I'm waiting for you. But he didn't. It was weeks before I final realized he was gone, forever. I still can't believe it to this day. He was a great friend, one I truely miss! I love you Matty!!
If you know anyone addicted to anything or if you are, please get the help you need. I don't want you to lose a great friend or family member, or ever yourself, like I have. Its not fun.

Short one.

Well.... Phil didn't see his shadow. Shocker I know! It is also my cousins birthday too! He is old!! I got nothing going on today. Got a snow day. Just waiting on UPS so I can run to Sally Beauty Supply to get some hair color. I'm tired of looking at my grays. Maybe it will make me not so blah. We will have to see on that one! Nothing to really write about today. I know tomorrow will be a sad one.
     A few friends told me the other day and they are right. I have more sad days in my life then happy ones. I guess thats what happens when you walk in the shoes I have worn. Loss of great friends, either be OD's, murder, accidents, fires. Family members, cancer, heart issues, murder, fire. Hmm I'm starting to sense a pattern here. I guess I can't be near fires, those are no good, I don't want to be shot, or ran over, that wouldn't be good either. Cancer can be cureable if you catch it in time. But I don't think I want that either. I do have heart issues, but thankfully they are nothing to serious. I have to take a pill once a day, if I remember. Which I never do! Yea, yea I know, put it in the bathroom next to your tooth brush, did that and forgot, put it on the counter, did that and forgot. I remember when I can't breathe and walk so well lol. I guess thats how I remember. But like I said, I don't think I will die from it.
    So yea, I guess that will conclude todays post. A bit of a rant, with a bit of nothing mixed in lol! 
Be ready for tomorrow's sad post. I will try not to make it to sad. 

Until tomorrow my readers.
Staci
   

First of the month

I'm writing in red today because I'm pissed!!!!
I go to my local grocier for some stuff I need for the house. Milk, eggs, bread, mayo, yogurt, and a few things I noticed on sale.
I get there, and was like who its packed in here, seeing it was a bit after 5 it usually is. So I walk the isles, I see, ghettoness, white trash, and so on. I'm like crap its the first of the month. So I fight my way thru the ghettoness, white trash and so on. I go down the oatmeal isle, and low and behold, there is no oatmeal. Fine whatever, I have enough to last me. Just not the point!
If you can have a nice car, you don't need food stamps!
I was finding a check out, and there was a cart over flowing with food, and on the bottom was a basket full of frozen juice. I mean really?
I work hard for the food I eat, I feel everyone else should too! Never again will I forget its the first of any month!
The End of rant lol.

A bit about me to start.

Hey all! It's me Staci!
Where to start? Hmm lets see! I will be be 31 soon. Yikes right?! I know! I'm getting old.
I have been through it all growing up. My parents divorced when I was about 12ish, maybe younger. I blocked a lot of it out. I do that when I don't want to remember the bad stuff.
I have loved and lost. I lost my Gram almost 4 yrs ago, it was a crushing blow. I will write on that when the time comes. It's still hard to talk about.
I had family members murdered, agian talk about that in another post.
I just want to give you guys an understanding of me. Ready? To bad if you aren't!
I can be your bestfriend or your worst enemy. I don't put up with peoples shit. I don't care who you are. I speak my mind, even if it sounds rude, its who I am. I'm a smart ass, I'm a great friend. I come from a family that put us first. I know my manners, I can't stand people who don't use theirs. I'm a bad speller, but I correct everyones english. I love to read, watch tv. I love Bones, Greys, Two and a Half Men, House, The Closer, Leavage, NCIS, CSI:NY. I love crime drama's. I wanted to be a Homicide Dective, but my uncle said over my dead body. I said well I could be investating it then! Yea didn't go over to well. I am always right. Very opininated. I love everyone in my life, and the new people that come into it.
I have met many friends. I have lost many friends, but it's their loss. I kick ass!!
Thank you for reading I hope it didn't bore you to much! I will have to remember to update this lol!

Staci!